It’s been a few months since I last updated this blog with a post. A few months ago I became a tired, but very proud ‘mama’ and it has been a life-changing event. Time is such a precious thing right now. But I believe that we are getting the hang of it. I’ve been back at work, which broke my heart, for about 3 weeks right now. The toughest part has been leaving Cesar behind and having to trust other people with my little boy. Trust… I don’t trust easily, which is both a good and a bad thing. But I guess the ‘letting go’ part has already begun. He’s growing up and I have to trust the journey. It’s been an incredible rollercoaster of all kinds of emotions and in the beginning I sucked pretty bad at handling these emotions. I think that the ‘fear of…’ and all the possible ‘what ifs…’ has made it sometimes difficult to just lean into the moment and fully enjoy everything that’s happening. BUT, I’m so incredibly proud of my little family. Cesar is doing so well, he’s thriving every single day, growing like a weed,… it’s been fascinating to see. And my husband Niels, he’s been my rock through this adventure so far. And oh boy, he has seen all sides of me. The happy, the sad, the scared, the angry,… Felien. But he’s still here with me, supporting me and our family through it all!
I’m sometimes (read as often) quite hard on myself and I feel like it is time to somehow work on the ‘best version’ of Felien again. Have some ‘ME’ time… Even though I feel bad for saying this, I do think it will help in becoming a better ‘Felien’ again, not that I’m a ‘bad’ Felien right now, but I don’t feel 100% Felien. I will of course never be the same again, because my body changed, my mindset changed since I became a mom. And I actually don’t want to be the same again, but I need to fully embrace this new Felien and I haven’t done that yet. I’ve been struggling quite a bit with my new body, both inside and outside. In the past I didn’t struggle with that at all, I was happy and I didn’t care what other people thought, but now for some reason I do care. I don’t feel confident at all anymore. It will take time, exercise and acceptance to feel confident again about the outside. #selflove
But first things first… BFellicious will be back or should I say ‘IS back’! I will try to post regularly. I’m not making any promises on the quantity of posts. The only thing I can say is ‘Quality Matters’.